Curbside ending, laden thick with pollen
swollen eyes fought tears from my sunburned face.
Racing at high-speed down slope on the green,
sheen scratched flat off when my body fell dull.
Hull split the wheels, turned my bike to a mash
crashing to pavement with one final choke.
Spokes bending out, metal paper-clip twists
blistered to useless my fancied red shoes
used to pedal,crimson wings and a prayer,
air filled their soles like a symphony worn.
Torn way too soon by a trick freshly learned
burned in a fail, scalding freedom with grief.
Brief fun gone slack in one summer’s purlieu.
Adieu, my favorite red shoes, adieu.
Linking to a wonderful site called WithRealToads for the first time. I could not resist attempting a chained rhyme, prompted by Hedgewitch. Also linking at Dverse where Fred is encouraging us to use foreign tongues in our work.
Ha! You know I didn’t realize until my eyes had run over this a few times that you were doing the chained rhyme and I’m not sure I would have realized but for knowledge of the exercise out there. I am saying this as a compliment – the rhymes are great ones, but so unobtrusive that there is nothing like a stretch to get a rhyme here – even though they are certainly not your common cat/hat/sat! (I mean – purlieu/adieu is brilliant – as are many of the others.) Really clever, and the twisting of the lines, and rhymes, gives us a sense of the mash-up – I can feel the wheels turned back on themselves, and the one step forward two steps back of childhood too.
Then, of course, there’s the whole joke on the ballet movie. Just very clever, with some insights about childhood too. k.
thank you, Karin. I tried to write this before reading yours. I knew you would make it look easy. (and you did!) Red Shoes started as a long, winding poem and turned into a sonnet. Not sure it is complete, or even if it expresses the real sentiment I have about the shoes, but it is a headlong start– and rhyming with chain was good for my brain.
smiles….really tightly done on the rhyme…i did not notice either until i read the note…it is so smooth…and can relate to crashing the bike as well…earned a few of those burns in my day and broke a few bikes as well…smiles.
Jane this is really a neat one–I echo everything karin said above about the unique rhyme-word choices, and the unobtrusive chaining. You introduce an almost cinematic progression, meticulously described, yet keep the reactions and emotions of a child well to the fore, despite the erudite vocabulary–that alone is quite a feat. Then, you reminded me of a pair of blue satin shoes(yes satin–most impractical material ever for a little girl’s shoes) I got from the charity box at school and wore till they disintegrated, whereupon I cried as if they were a beloved pet. As always, you write with insight and skill that is understated, yet never misses a chance to hit home. Thanks for trying this one out Jane–I enjoyed it very much.
blue satin shoes! I would have loved them to pieces, too. I still wear shoes until they fall apart. The chain prompt was great fun!! thank you.
Fabulous story-telling – and I can feel the sense of loss abut those red shoes too.
I still covet red shoes. Thanks for coming by, Tony!
Oh, brava! This is just excellent.
many thanks, Mary.
Jane- Love all the colors… too bad about the red shoes. I remember a bike incident I once had that ruined some shoes.
Hey, it was such a delight to be published with you in the latest Four and Twenty. That makes two times in a row for you, eh? I can see why!
Laurie, I still buy red shoes to continually replace the ones in my kidhood…
I love your fourandtwenty poem. All twenty words (i think) you brought strong emotional senses to the front with the glove, hand, and slush. so cool.
Def. a place in my heart for micro-poetry. Probably has much to do with my busy schedule..:)
So vivid, so real, so scary…my young niece and nephew have recently taken up cycling with my lunatic kid brother…I could feel the mash and the crash here. So well written.
K
hi Kay. I was a lunatic bicyclist. in the 70s we didn’t wear helmets. I’m surprised I can still type : )
thanks for sharing with us Jane. Really liked the chained rhyme. Was actually meaning to give it a try over at with real toads, just never got a chance to do so. perhaps I’ll give it a shot sometime though. The colors are very nice and really like the final two lines in here a lot, nicely done. Thanks
do give it a whirl, Fred. for me it started out as a choppy mess. but I do believe it gave my brain a new angle on things. that seems like a good thing : ) I loved your prompt, and would have given it much more focus if I wasn’t working on the chain, where I got a bit obsessed. cheers!
Wow! You rocked the chained prompt….awesome!
thank you, Susie! I’m off to see if you put one up.
I just love how you told a story and I love the red laced throughout!! Your header image is gorgeous, too, btw! Thanks for visiting me!!
hi Hannah, thank you!
Yes! This also brought me back to a number of bike accidents in my own life. It’s interesting to experience all the twisting and destruction in the poem…and then to find relief in it — ah, just a pair of shoes broken…but obviously a very cherished pair. Still, it is an interesting experience to read — the relief combined with the grief.
yes, Anna. The relief, especially in a flippant ending like this one, more than hints at the drama of it all. Though, as a child, it is full-on tears and sorrow. Gives me compassion for my own children, ages 11 and 7. : )
Quick! get another pair & make another chain to match; good work…
Yes! I always have a pair or two on hand. Childhood is a good teacher. Thank you!!